Finding a Happy Medium Between Fitness and Family

Take a look at the sky! That's a bird! It's an airplane! It's not Super Fitness Parent; it's Super Fitness Parent! As the children return from school, this dynamic superhero dons his red cape and takes on multitasking. Super Fitness Parent has the strength of Clark Kent and Wonder Woman's elegance. She can jump large school projects in a single bound and easily produce choreography and cupcakes. Our Super Hero works as an administrative assistant during the day and is a fitness enthusiast at night. This parent's vibe is hypnotic! With a kid under each arm and an iPod in hand, Super Fitness Parent dashes out to the club to break free from the clutches of idleness. Our Hero throws his heart and soul into a group of 25 other fitness enthusiasts who come to our club 5 evenings a week. She calmly comes home after 2 hours of polishing her nicely sculpted form, make-up still intact, anxious to cook dinner for four, respond to e-mails, voicemails, Facebook, tweets, and overdue library books. She wields a paper mache solar system between meals before bathing, dressing, reading to, and tucking the kids into bed. She folds three loads of laundry, washes the kitchen floor, whitens her teeth, packs backpacks, sandwiches, and music for tomorrow's workout activities, and meets her husband in the bedroom, where he has just scattered rose petals into her bath's foamy bubbles. She's Super Fitness Parent, and contrary to popular belief, she doesn't exist.

Does your endeavor to strike a harmonious balance between family and fitness seem less harmonic for a mere mortal? Do you feel guilty when your fitness duties conflict with family time? Do you often feel worried, tugged in a million places, or overwhelmed when attempting to juggle work, fitness, and family obligations?

Does your endeavor to strike a harmonious balance between family and fitness seem less harmonic for a mere mortal? Do you feel guilty when your fitness duties conflict with family time? Do you often feel worried, tugged in a million places, or overwhelmed when attempting to juggle work, fitness, and family obligations? 

We all seek and aspire for equilibrium. But accomplishing "it all" requires sacrificing something, and sometimes everything suffers as a result. Balance is the ability to recognize and prioritize what is vital and may be ignored. I'm a mother of two small children, a friend, a daughter, a chauffeur, a choreographer, a businesswoman, an author, a clothes designer, a program director, and a fitness expert who has been happily married for almost 14 years. "How do you do it all?" someone often asks. "I don't," I usually say. I do what I believe will best help my family and base my choices on that criterion. I used to feel "inadequate" if someone suddenly stopped by my house and everything wasn't in immaculate order. Then, in his blunt wisdom, my father-in-law informed me, "You raise a family, not a home." It's fantastic! That one remark relieved a lot of strain for me. It gave me the freedom to unwind and reconsider my priorities. I'd rather miss a work deadline than a football game if it comes down to it. I'd rather disappoint a "fan" who doesn't truly know me than disappoint my kid. As much as any opportunity presented to me may fuel my ego, my first job is to ensure that my family understands they are more important than all the money, fame, or acclaim in the world. What my family thinks of me is more important than the praise of strangers who will probably forget about me in ten years. There is no such thing as perfection in any aspect of life. The best we can aim for is balance. It is impossible to create balance until you genuinely understand what is essential.

I've adapted the notion of "healthy balance" to my own life and career. As a company owner, I strive to teach this idea to my staff. I know what works best for me, but I was interested in what advice other multitasking fitness professionals, even those without children, could have. So I turned to a few people I respect for their dedication to balance and asked for their advice. You may not know their names, but they are ready to exchange worldwide name recognition for unity for the time being. Aside from their advice, I discovered two very encouraging pieces of information that I'd like to share with you: 1. Symmetry is within your grasp, and 2. You can and should accomplish anything you desire when the moment is perfect. Here are some helpful hints for assessing, achieving, and sustaining equilibrium. 

1. Write out the most significant aspects of your life, depending on your present position. Many people ignore this crucial initial step or forget to revisit this question frequently. Even if you feel you have prioritized your beliefs, objectives, or agendas in your head, writing them down helps to clarify their order and re-evaluate your actions. Our top priority is frequently simple to recognize; it's the priorities number two, three, and four that sometimes overlap in our thoughts and alter based on changing circumstances. Making a list of your priorities makes it simpler to make difficult choices. Julie Voris, a teacher in Carmel, Indiana, said, "I consider myself fortunate to work in the fitness industry. I give it my best every time I teach, but my family comes first. My daughters will only be young for a brief period. Because I've realized I'm no longer teaching afternoon courses. I like to teach in the mornings while all of my daughters are in school and to be there when they return. I set aside afternoons to help in their schools. It's tempting to teach those primetime sessions while also considering alternative options. I tell myself that as my daughters get older, more chances will present themselves." 

As your circumstances change, so should your priorities and, as a result, your timetable. Any change in circumstances, such as job load, family, income, or health, should necessitate a review of your documented list of priorities. The sudden loss of a job or a part of their income has prompted a return to work for many people. Be adaptable when the going gets rough.

2. Make a calendar or list of all of your regularly planned events. Make a list of everything, including your free time and sleep. Estimate how much time each action will take in total. When listing a class or client, add set-up, cleaning, and driving time. 3. Highlight the activities that support one or more of your top two or three objectives. We should fight to retain these things and maybe add them to our list!

4. Emphasize neutral activities. Neutral activities are ones that neither detract from nor benefit from your priorities. Saturday morning coffee with your girlfriends, painting class, watching television, browsing the internet, preparing for a marathon or a fitness competition, and so on are examples of neutral activities. These are hobbies you might give up if necessary, but they should be weighed against their "peace of mind" worth. Never underestimate the importance of thoughtless downtime or time spent following your delight, something few A-type people allow for.

5. Next, clearly circle the activities or tasks that violate your current priority ranking. This is going to require a lot of guts. In certain cases, a non-objective third party is required. Here's an example from my experience: One of my weekly activities was a late-night lesson at a club 35 minutes away, at a far lower pay rate than I was used to. I had the class for years and believed that if I dropped it, the students, who had become my friends, would "perish." Even though my responsibilities as a mother were pulling at me, I felt I'd be betraying everyone if I dropped the class. I kept thinking about the few buddies who had lately joined the club specifically for that one lesson. I was preserving this self-imposed commitment as a source of pride rather than guilt.

To be honest, it's ego fulfillment! It required a friend to point out that by continuing with the program, I was really harming my young family in terms of lost time with them, lost money, and the additional stress produced by deliberately being in the situation. Giving up that class was significantly less difficult than I had anticipated. To my astonishment, not a single pupil "died." In fact, it's said that life progressed, and they finally fell in love with a new teacher. When I'm debating whether to seek a sub or skip a class, I remind myself that it will be my family by my bedside at the end of my life, not my Saturday morning Turbo class.

6. Create an "Immediate Action" To-Do List: Each thing you boldly circled must now be eliminated. These aren't locations where you'll "attempt to do better." It is now time to take decisive action, and it is without ifs and or buts. The alteration does not have to be permanent, but it should be notified immediately. If the act of abandoning responsibility, inconveniencing others, or change has you stuck, consider your top three priorities and find the fortitude to suffer a few difficult moments in exchange for long-term peace of mind. 

Jenelle Summers, Team Beachbody Coach, Fitness Instructor, and Music Coordinator for Powder Blue Productions from Toledo, Ohio, recognized she needed to take quick action to continue teaching once her son began school. "Rushing to pick up my kid from school just to head straight to the club for a lesson worried me out, and my son started acting up, exacerbating the situation. I'm not a morning person, but I was sure that teaching early morning sessions would be in my son's best interests. The following day, I contacted my coordinator and substituted my evening courses with 6:00 a.m. exercises. Even though I believed I'd never see my exercise buddies again, several of them made the switch with me. I feel so much better about doing what I love and knowing that my family will not suffer as a result."

7. Create a "Transitional" To-Do List: Changes should be made gradually at times. If your first objective is to resign from your present employment and pursue a full-time fitness profession, leaving your "day job" tomorrow may make it difficult to make the vehicle payment at the end of the month. Consider making the shift gradually. Speak with your boss about the prospect of working 5-10 fewer hours each week. If that isn't a possibility, suggest a flexible work schedule that enables you to conduct personal training or seek fitness options at peak times. I worked 40 to 50 hours a week at my "day" job when I first moved to California. I was demotivated, disinterested, and overworked. It gave me a lot of worries and made it difficult for me to expand my personal training company. Despite knowing it was a risk, I persuaded my bosses to let me attempt a flex schedule and work 10 fewer hours each week. They both agreed. Because of the part-time hours, I pursued a career in health and fitness without sacrificing all of my income as I created my fitness company. My personal, professional, spiritual, and financial lives have all blossomed due to that adjustment. 

8. Communicate your priorities openly with others. This acts as a continual reminder to oneself and a form of personal responsibility. When you communicate your priorities, you are also establishing your limits. "I clearly explain my objectives so that others with whom I work understand and appreciate where I am coming from." Barbara Brodowsky is a group fitness teacher at the YMCA in Lancaster, California. This not only holds you responsible but also ensures that others understand your goals and stop pressing you to accomplish things that are not your top priorities.

9. Take cues from the people around you: Sometimes, we are too close to a situation to make sound conclusions. Pay attention to the inquiries and remarks of people you most respect and trust. Has your significant other expressed concern that you seem tired, distant, anxious, or stretched too thin? Has more than one buddy advised you to lower your burden or spend less time exercising? Have you noticed a shift in one or more family members' conduct or mood? Amy Nestor, the project consultant for AFAA and Powder Blue Productions, concurs, "When my days get chaotic, hurried, and stressful, and my mind races, I know it's time to take a step back and evaluate what I'm doing. I also get advice from my relatives. When my ordinarily joyful kid seems irritable, whiny, and obnoxious, I now know that he is reacting to sentiments he is getting up from me." 

10. Practice stating, "Can I follow up with you on that?" If you are aware, you should say so. "If you want to say "No" more frequently but find yourself saying "Yes" simply to be accommodating, try saying "Thank you for thinking of me!" Could I just get back to you on that?" Only a few days will allow you enough time to analyze the offer, determine how it fits with your objectives, and respectfully refuse if necessary. 

11. Identify and then eliminate your balance stumbling blocks. We all have self-imposed balancing roadblocks. These are deep-seated emotions that keep us in unhealthy or stressful circumstances because of fear or insecurity, such as the desire to please, misplaced guilt, fear of rejection, false appearances, thinking that you're expected to be able to "do it all," perfectionism, and others. These objects will impede your capacity to make informed judgments based on "your" life's priorities.